Recent Quips from Late Night

"Well, for the first time, President Bush admitted we are not winning the War in Iraq. But he said today that we're not winning but we're not losing. To which John Kerry said, make up your mind!" --Jay Leno
"When the president gave an interview with the Washington Post earlier this week, this audio exchange came as a bit of surprise. [On screen: Bush: ...We're not winning and we're not losing]. ... Technically, the president is correct. We're not winning or losing because Iraq is in a Civil War. ... We can't win or lose that. It has nothing to do with us!" --Jon Stewart
"This sounds like a tabloid story but ... according to the Washington Post, former President Bill Clinton has received counseling for sex addiction. ... I don't think it went too well. Halfway through the first session he talked to his therapist out of a bra and panties. ... Actually, you know what would cure Bill of his sex addiction? Hillary!" --Jay Leno "
Big changes in Washington. ... Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday, President Bush delivered his annual Kwanzaa message. The president said let's remember that Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush admitted we are not winning an Iraq. Sounds like Miss USA is not the only one who has sobered up. Speaking about Iraq, earlier today President Bush said we are not winning, we are not losing. Kind of what I'm doing right now." --David Letterman

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